Broken Vows, Dying Love

I am sad - saddened by a friend who is divorced. It was a slow, painful process. Actually, it has been 2 1/2 years since the divorce. Only now is my friend able to let go of it. She held on with all her might, hoping and praying that it would work out - that the love they once shared would come back around. The love was hidden from her - she sought it - it fled from her efforts.

Now, after 2 1/2 years, she let go - she is free, so to speak. She no longer pines, she no longer yearns for the love they once had.

Letting go is a good thing I guess, under the circumstances. She did everything in her power to halt the divorce - yet it wasn't enough.

I guess there comes a time in each of us where we allow what is to be - to just be. She can move on now - see the opportunities to find love again.

There is a point of no return in some relationships - she hit hers.

Pray for anyone you know who has experienced love that was stripped from them.

"Mom, Tell Me The Story Again"

So, the story she loved to hear is how we were blessed with her.

We had horrible pregnancies - longer story. We always wanted 5 children - don't ask why, we don't even know. So after having the three boys, we looked into adoption. We were ready to go. We prayed and sought the Lord to bring us the child of His choosing.

I remember one day I got a phone call from some friends who had also adopted. They said they know a pastor whose teenage daughter is pregnant and she is giving the baby up for adoption! We were elated! We were given all the attorney contact information, and did all the paperwork, etc. It was a shoe-in since the daughter had some Asian in her, and of course would want her baby to go to an Asian-ish family.

One day, full of anticipation and excitement, we received a letter from the attorney saying that the young mother had chosen a family on the East Coast to give her baby to. The disappointment was strong, to say the least. At the same time, we knew God had a different plan.

Well, we did our home-study and got all our ducks in a row for our next try. We would go to Bethany Christian services frequently to look through the books of children waiting to be adopted. We knew one thing: we did not want a drug baby.

We found 3 siblings, who also had Asian in them! They were 3 girls, all young and very close in age. We prayed about it and decided to go for it. With fear and trepidation, we awaited the committee to make the decision from the 3 families who had applied for them. We got a phone call, saying "I am sorry, they chose a doctor and his family". Sad beyond grief - but still trusting that God had something else in mind.

We saw a special on Junk Science - exposing the drug baby horrors. There IS no long term effects from it! (another long story in itself) - next morning we call the adoption agency and said "we will take a drug baby".

I went to the agency and once again looked through the books. When I brought home this picture of "Chae Love Morgan", the boys laughed and said "she has no neck!" then quickly named her Squash Blossom. There was something in her picture that drew me in.

In March, we applied to be considered for her adoption. Once again, we were up against 3 other families and a committee was to decide. I waited with baited breath the day of the meeting - wringing my hands and praying. The phone rang, I had half a notion to not answer it. It was Donna - our case worker. I said "Hello?" after what seemed a very long pause, she said "Congratulations! It's a girl!" By now, Julianne was 8 months old.

I called my friends from church - they descended on my house with balloons and celebratory greetings. We sat in the backyard together and sang hymn after hymn. It was the most surreal experience, knowing we were going to get a baby soon!

A few hours later, Donna met me to give me the baby book that the foster mom had so lovingly put together.

We prepared to greet her, went to Oregon to get her from the foster home, and the rest is history. We love her, and she loves us :)

Family, Marriage, Love

To start the weekend off, on Friday met the Richards in Leavenworth for dinner, ice cream and fairy kisses
The occasion was my parents 60 years of marriage celebration - a surprise to my dad until the day of. (and we actually pulled it off) My mom was positively giddy pinning on her very wedding gown and walking in to The Anniversary Waltz, which was played at their wedding.Their five adoring children were there to celebrate...not to mention most of their grandchildren (all were there but Drew, Jordan, Dolly, and Josh)There were 54 of us there, with 12 missing. This, mind you, is immediate family only!
Family - some are born into it, some marry into it, and some (Julianne) were adopted into it. One thing that binds us together, we all choose to remain a part of it and be there for each other. What a blessing to have such a rich heritage, honoring marriage, commitment, and family.

Cutest thing Ever.......

I had a voice mail on my answering machine this week. The voice was very masculine, deep, and assured.

On the machine, the voice said "Mrs. Tolentino? This is Alex. Remember me? I used to take piano lessons from you up until I was in eighth grade. I am wondering if you have time in your schedule to give me some lessons before I go off to the University of Washington in September. Please call me."

My heart leaped (lept?) - this little boy is now a man, and just graduated from high school and wants to freshen up on the piano before he pledges to a fraternity, where they have a grand piano.

Now, isn't that the cutest thing ever?

I love it...really. Huge smile. Seriously. It is things like this that keep me going.

Ears, Thumbs, and Toes

Today's sermon was so good! We are going through Leviticus, and today was 8:1-36. God commended that blood (substitutionary) be sprinkled on the priests right ear, right thumb and right toe.
The ear is made holy by the sprinkling of the substitutionary blood of the animals, a mere shadow of Christ who was to come. We are all now priests of God, called to listen to His Word and obey Him. Romans 10:17 "So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ." This sprinkling of blood on the right ear is significant to the very life-giving gospel. Without hearing, there is no power. But know that hearing without doing is death. James 1:22 "But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. The right thumb indicates dominance in what we do with our hands - how we live our lives and what we put our efforts into. Sprinkling blood on the priests right thumb consecrates everything the priest does with his Hands, serving God with his hands. We are now that priest of God - and we are anointed with the Spirit in the same way the priests were - Jesus has fulfilled the sacrifices with His own blood.

The right side indicates a side of prominence - of strength. Thus, sprinkling blood on the right toe would indicate that the priest will walk in the ways of God. We walk in faith, sometimes (most times) not seeing what lies ahead.

The fascinating thing about this text is that God began at the top and worked down to the bottom. First we hear the gospel, we work with our hands (do His will) and walk in faith. Each of us has heard the gospel - we are each responsible to embrace or reject that truth. If we embrace it, our entire dominant side is ruled by God's purpose in our lives.We live for Him, to Him, and with Him.

Are you on the RIGHT side?

More Alaska

Susie came up with a great name for Alaska "Washington on Steroids"
A quick stop at Worthington Glacier - I love this picture because my leg looks like Julianne's - or should I say HER leg looks like mine...lol These mosquito nets really worked, but I had a hard time seeing out of it
Wanting so badly to see a bear, we frequented this little spot where the bears seemed to go to - FINALLY we saw it:

A whole day of river fishing yielded us one King Salmon, and a Red that Earl caught
This picture of Julz and Auntie Susie was in a barbecue screen house, and Julianne's new bear was fondly named Valdez -
Our last night there we were saying our top 5 favorite things - and surprisingly, some of our funniest moments hit the top list - we had so much fun playing dress up in the hardware store in Seward...

First Fishing Day

Got up at 4am, ate breakfast, and met a shuttle which took us to the charter boat.

Nice little nap on the 3 hour trip to where the fish were waiting.


Joseph caught the first halibut - we had amazing deck hands that did the dirty work for us.

Second fish caught by
Julianne....

When it was not expected, Julianne reeled in a 14 pound Silver.

My halibut was the biggest one of our boat, so I wanted to kill it...GRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rawr

Our family catch = 6 Halibut, 5 Salmon, and 1 Rock Fish.

Alaska

I cannot believe it has been 1 year and 2 months since I spent a month in Houston for my brother's heart valve re-replacement!

We are privileged to come visit him and Susie in Alaska for a fun trip!

First night, Joseph, Julianne and I arrived in Fairbanks at 2:30am. Cute hotel, good night sleep, nice breakfast - then TWO cars come in to snatch us up. Susie and I in one, the men plus Julianne in the other.

Starting our the right way with matching shirts...
OK - this bathroom really took "family room" to the hilt - I mean, really?

I suppose that you COULD be in such a great conversation when you make a pit stop....but...

Walked in town of Talkeetna - all the power was out!
We also saw a place where Man vs. Food went!

Babies in the Fuschia's

My beautiful fuschia plant in the backyard was having a lot of unplanned activity in it. At night, we had company over and were sitting around a cozy fire, and heard rustling in the plant, and could hear birds. Silly birds! They were supposed to be sleeping! The mommy in me knew immediately that the only thing that could keep a bird awake at night when they should be sleeping was a baby. Sure enough, next morning I looked to see newly hatched birds.

Doing the most compassionate thing - I stopped watering that plant. I watched as the birds grew feathers and started flapping their wings.

Today, I sadly missed their departure from the nest - but wish them well.


I will also now try to revive the plant. Pretty sad looking - and kinda lonely.

Then in a Nobler, Sweeter Song

As I do most Sundays since I was 17 years old, this morning I was playing the piano in church. I really really prefer to sing instead of play, but it seems that wherever I am, they need a piano player.

This morning I was lifted up in worship by the sweet, yet powerful singing of our little church. I could hear each voice, each with their own unique timbre. The colors of the voices were bright, dark, warm and even harsh. 75 individual voices lifted up together in harmony to state their faith in Jesus. The amazing aspect that struck me this morning is that since we only have one piano to accompany and lead, I could really and truly hear each voice coming together in one aggregate.

By the last verse of this song I was moved to tears as they finished the beautiful hymn accompanied by only one chord to start each measure: (It DID help that this song came after the sermon in Leviticus 7, speaking of the fellowship offering and how Jesus fulfilled all the laws to atone for our sins)

There is a fountain filled with blood,
Drawn from Immanuel’s veins,
And sinners plunged beneath that flood
Lose all their guilty stains.

The dying thief rejoiced to see
That fountain in His day;
And there have I, though vile as he,
Washed all my sins away.

Dear dying Lamb, Thy precious blood
Shall never lose its pow’r,
Till all the ransomed church of God
Are safe, to sin no more.

E’er since by faith I saw the stream
Thy flowing wounds supply,
Redeeming love has been my theme,
And shall be till I die.

When this poor, lisping, stamm’ring tongue
Lies silent in the grave,
Then in a nobler, sweeter song,
I’ll sing Thy pow’r to save.

Adversary of the Worse Kind

I heard a sermon that sent chills up my spine.

Luke 12:49-59 (New International Version)

Not Peace but Division
49"I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! 50But I have a baptism to undergo, and how distressed I am until it is completed! 51Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. 52From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. 53They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law."

Interpreting the Times
54He said to the crowd: "When you see a cloud rising in the west, immediately you say, 'It's going to rain,' and it does. 55And when the south wind blows, you say, 'It's going to be hot,' and it is. 56Hypocrites! You know how to interpret the appearance of the earth and the sky. How is it that you don't know how to interpret this present time?
57"Why don't you judge for yourselves what is right? 58As you are going with your adversary to the magistrate, try hard to be reconciled to him on the way, or he may drag you off to the judge, and the judge turn you over to the officer, and the officer throw you into prison. 59I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.[a]"

The pastor spent quite some time talking about what an adversary is. Definition: 1. a person or group that is hostile to someone; enemy. An adversary has no good intentions for the enemy. Have you ever had adversaries in your life? I am sure we all have.

I can think of recent times when our adversary was one we reached out to in love and that love was considered vile.

Then the sermon took a shocking twist:

The worse and most fearful adversary one can have is God! To an unbeliever, God IS their adversary, they are either for Him or against Him. He is just, righteous, and holy. It always amazes me how people who reject the God of the gospel also declare that He only "loves" people and isn't "judgemental". Enemies of God think highly of themselves, not taking into account that every breath they have is from Him. Each man will meet God in the end - either in embracing love or the most horrible eternal punishment imaginable.

Yes, for an unbeliever God is the worse adversary conceivable. As a believer, I can only humbly shake my head in utter gratitude that He would love me - even me!

Renata's Graduation Speech 2010

Have you ever felt the pain of being lost and completely in despair? Have you ever had a time in your life when you had nobody to look to when lost and utterly helpless? Have you ever had an empty heart that left you with a sense of complete helplessness? When I stop and reflect on my childhood, feelings and sensations like these swarm my thoughts and fall like a darkness that seems to envelope every part of me.

As a young girl I hadn't the slightest idea about life. I had a mother who claimed she loved me, but the bond between her and her five children was so weak that she ended up allowing them all to slip away from her home, and it seems, from her heart. She lived as if everything mattered to her more than the care and nurturing of her children. Whether it was the pursuit of pleasing others, or of drinking the next bottle of alcohol or of having her next drug-induced "high", her children were always receiving the leftovers. In her home, that's all I was: something left over.

After being passed through foster homes for quite some time, Christ began the process of healing in the life of a little 10 year-old girl. He placed me in the home of Lynn and Paul Rorberg, who already had three young boys, all under the age of four! I still remember my initial gaze at those three faces; it was love at first sight! And while stepping into an unfamiliar home was certainly not new to me, I was about to discover that being part of this household would change my life forever - quite truly into eternity.

My entrance into the Kingdom of God did not occur in one heart-stopping moment or by some pivotal dramatic event. However, it was sudden, for there came a day when I could, with real sincerity, say that I loved Christ and that I trusted Him as the One Who had died for my sins and had snatched my soul out of the fires of eternal damnation.

It seems now, looking back on the course my life has taken, that God's hand was guiding me home - not just to an earthly home - but to an eternal home as well. My first introduction to Christ as the Living, Ruling, Redeeming God of heaven, was in the household of the family where I stayed just prior to going to the Rorbergs; but I did not begin to grasp the love of God or to have a change in my own heart until I entered my parents' home. It was readily obvious that this family was different from the other families I had lived with. They loved the Lord as a family, and as a family they chose to honor and follow Him. This meant that if I was going to be a part of this family, I, too, needed to be acquainted with Christ. As my parents spent year upon year discipling me and teaching me how to live as a Christian and be the one who stood out as a young, faithful woman who could be an example and sweet aroma to my biological family, I grew fonder and closer to God and His Word.

As the Holy Spirit began to work in my life, I found that my outlook was radically different from that of my biological family. When I made choices to refrain from things they might want me to do, I disappointed them. As I moved closer to Christ, they seem to run the other way. As I tried to understand all of this, my mother would comfort me reminding me that God had chosen me as His particular child. She said that my family was like a fruit tree, and that most of the fruit had been left to itself on the vine, but that God had spared me from falling to the ground: that I was God's picked apple.

Thus, living in the Rorberg home was God's necessary building block that helped faith come to life, and which continues to nurture faith so that it might grow.

As a result of moving from home to home, I also moved from school to school.
School was never my strong point, and even when I would catch a glimpse of what learning could mean to me and how it could shape and help me, I found it was time to move on again, and thus I would confront another new set of teachers, a new set of classmates, a new set of rules and jargon with which I was unfamiliar. School presented a dilemma in diminishing returns, and therefore, I felt hopeless in the face of it. I truly never caught the necessity of faithful studying, keeping up on daily assignments, or staying on task; these never ran through my head as things that were a must for a student. In order for me to be able to stick to something, I needed absolutely no distractions. In such moments, success followed, but such moments were rare, and the exception to the rule. Usually, because I had no confidence in myself or my capabilities, I depended on others for the work, for the outcome, even for the confidence. People around me would encourage me by pointing out those things that I could do if I put my mind to it and worked hard, but I blew all that off, and remained swamped in an academic sea.

It was not until the Lord began to change my heart that I began to reconsider my studies at school. In small steps, God began to show me that if I would humble myself and quit thinking so much about me in the process of learning but rather think about obedience and apply it to the topic at hand, I could make progress. I am still in this process, for this change has not come quickly, but I can say that today at eighteen, I am more of a student than I have ever been because the Lord has been faithful and He has placed encouraging family members and friends and teachers in my life.

So now, feeling more ready for the future than I could ever have dreamed, I am looking down the road ahead. The humorous part of this, is that to look ahead, I need to look very far back. Do you remember when you were a small child and you pictured yourself as you would someday be? Maybe for you it was the glory of being a soldier or a nurse or the first woman president; or the hope of being a great inventor, missionary or doctor or the thrill of being a famous designer or super star with your name in lights. For most of us, we dream of being someone's husband or wife. And while I am sure some of these thoughts have gone through my mind, from as far back as I can remember, I have wanted to be a hairstylist. I could lose track of time as a child playing with my dolls' hair - it was a slice of paradise for me! Now I like to style the hair of living dolls - my mother, my friends - for anyone who has the time (and courage!) to let me at their head! I find real joy in this; and I am so very glad that God seems to be guiding my footsteps towards a career doing what I enjoy most. I have applied and have been accepted at a local school of cosmetology. I begin my course of studies this summer. It is a little girl's dream come true. With humility and thanksgiving I recognize that God has given me the desires of my heart. We serve a kind and generous God. Having seen that I can fully depend on Him in the past gives me the assurance that He will ably guide my future.

The Lord in His Holy Word has declared this to be true. Ephesians 2:10 states:
"We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." God has, from before time began, numbered my days and plotted my footsteps. He has given me loving parents, a good home, a new family, a good church and good schools. Once I felt like leftovers, a child who was overlooked; now I know I have been picked by God to be His workmanship, His instrument. With faith in the God Who has so ably guided my past, I am now prepared to walk humbly in the knowledge that I am His and He is mine as I step out into the world under the direction of His ever-continuing guiding hand.

Happy Late Mother's Day to My Mommy

My children always love the drive to Leavenworth - the scenery takes their breath away and they are left in a state of awe

We love Mountain Springs Lodge for brunch

It is such a blessing to see Julianne becoming more and more thankful for her larger family. She especially loves her gramma <3

The wood floors were useful for our testing of papa in his wheelchair skills

I wanted him to take me to the mall in this thing - he said NO

Papa was amazed at how grown up Julianne is and wanted to verify her height -

Good Photo op ....

Can I get ONE, just one, good picture of you three?

(We are missing Jordan here)We may be weird - but we are a family, and it's our family