True Belief = True Peace and Meaning

Sometimes I get completely buried in the "to do" things that have come into our life. As if the daily routine is not enough, we are being forced to continue in things we have not chosen to be involved with. I get downright angry that we have to do things we do not want to do. Then I think of my mom. She did not want to have a stroke, lose use of her arm and leg and become completely dependent on my dad for her daily care. Yet - her sweet spirit of Christ blessed my heart and those around her. Her love for Jesus has not faltered.

I became a Christian at the end of my ninth grade year and have never wavered in the belief. There were times when I thought "What IF this is all made up?" - and the ONLY answer to that question is this "Even IF it is all made up, my life is WAY BETTER because of my beliefs" - I would rather believe a lie (I know it is true) and have the kind of life I have now than to reject the truth of the Word of God and be a miserable soul trying to find reason for existence.

It is so clear to me this year how one can reject God and become their own God, never finding true fulfillment in and of themselves. Believers in Jesus Christ do not depend on any externalities for their inner peace. Praise God!

To Live Is Christ, To Die Gain

I have heard many times what the Apostle Paul said that to die is gain. It has been declared correctly that there are no tears in heaven and we will have no sin at all. This being said, a more accurate reason that to die is gain is that we will see Jesus Christ, face to face, as He is, and we will not die from being in His holiness. We will behold the glory of the Only Begotten Son of God, full of grace and truth. This is what we look forward to - seeing Him! For sure there will be no more tears and sin, but to see my Lord and Savior is truly the greatest gain.

To live - is Christ - we live to preach the gospel, in season and out of season. My brother Earl is such an example of this. He wants to become healthy so that he can go with his men to Iraq in order to minister the gospel to them. His heart has never wavered from his calling to preach the gospel. This should be our purpose also. The Word of God never returns void - although many reject it.

Yes, to die is gain, and to live ~ Christ.

Please Pray for my brother Earl

From Tim, my nephew today ~

"The ER doctor read the CAT scan, Earl does not have pneumonia and he does not have a blood clot in his lungs. The CAT scan revealed that his heart is enlarged and his valves were possibly bulging. There is fluid in his lungs which is coming from his heart. The ER doctor said that cardiologist will need to read the CAT scan tomorrow.

For now Mom would like prayer. Dad's chest was hurting a lot so he has been heavily sedated and will be closely monitored at the hospital."

OK, we are not supposed to fear death - or anything for that matter. I am trying really hard not to fear - but being so far away from them (they are in Texas)is very difficult. Please pray for them.

For those of you who don't know, Earl had a neck fusion 6 weeks ago, and last Friday he had a lower back surgery. Today he has a fever and very bad chest pains. He is in the hospital - he wants only to preach the gospel and Christ crucified.

Dead Bird

This is going to be a little on the weird side for sure. Today I was chatting with a friend about helping people - and if we should continue helping those who abuse and use us. I told her that I always think that I can "mend the broken wing of an injured bird" - when suddenly a bird crashed into my living room window! There were feathers stuck to the window. I went to the porch to see what happened, and there was a good size bird (not a baby)sitting in stunned amazement at it's recent collision. I thought "I will let it recover from the concussion, then check it out". I did just that - however, when I came back to check on that bird, it was on it's back, feet stiff up in the air, dead.

The timing was amazing (I don't believe in "signs and wonders")but I can always see how God is using life to show me things. I can see that I could not have prevented that bird from hitting our window, and our window was there to protect us from the elements. The very thing that was protection for my family was destruction for that bird.

After the crash, there was nothing I could do for that bird - but allow what will be to be. It was to be - no amount of intervention could change the course of its life.

I can relate this to so many things in my life right now. Our help can only do so much - if it is refused over and over again, that help must come from somewhere else.

The sovereignty of God is not squashed by our disobedience, rather there are consequencesthat only we can suffer. It is difficult to watch loved ones suffer great consequences for their choices, but it must be allowed -

Please pray for me as I am stepping back and allowing God to do His mighty work.

Quote from H.W. Beecher

Difficulties are God's errands; and when we are sent upon them, we should esteem it a proof of God's sanctifying Hand, and prize it accordingly.

~ from The Discipline of Difficulties

Double Rejoice!

Today's sermon was so great. It was on Paul and his admonition for us to rejoice in adverse circumstances. Paul was able to rejoice not only in his present situation, but also his past and future. His world view was one that he knew whatever circumstances he was in, God would use them to benefit him, and bring glory to Himself.

Do I rejoice in all things? Do I trust that God will benefit my sanctification as well as bring glory to Himself? Sometimes when I cannot SEE those things happening, I merely hang on - hoping in hope that Christ will work things for my good and for His glory. "Working things for our good" actually means sanctification. In our sufferings, our sanctification is being programmed into our "hard drive" - to put in techie terms.

So, this week I will rejoice when I feel like hiding, rejoice when I feel like running away, rejoice when I don't feel like rejoicing. And again, I will rejoice.........again. It is not a phoney smile or fake laughter - it is knowing that God WILL and IS working all things for His glory and for my benefit in sanctification and salvation.

As I was thinking about this concept - Kelly - our daughter's old best friend - sent me this. She is also seeing how God used something horrible and painful to prompt her on in her sanctification and goal setting - she writes:

"As I crawl into my bed, I clench my cold pillow that my head just lied upon. My mind is full of sorrow, pain, and abandonment. The warm tears, one by one, come streaming down my eyes on my pale-skinned face. I cannot stop, and by morning I wonder when I had fallen asleep because I didn’t recall the stopping of the flowing tears and the calming of the stomach.

My best friend changed. She chose to run away from her wonderful family, friends, and education. Are drugs and alcohol better than the life you had before? It felt like a bomb just went off inside of me; but this bomb was going off for six months. She had everything going for her, but she decided to split that wonderful life and go lead her own controlled life; away from her family, and me.

Good has come out of that situation. I realize how important my friends are, and I appreciate every single one of them more as an individual. Dropping out of high school sounds great doesn’t it? No homework, all the free time in the world! But what kind of career would you get into if you never finished your schooling? My ex-best friend has showed me how utterly important it is to finish my education. I need to take advantage of it, and soak up the knowledge and sound information that is given to me. This opportunity only comes once in a lifetime and I don’t want to miss the bus like she has. "

Mourning into Dancing!

Today is our Julianne Grace Tolentino's twelfth birthday! She has suffered a great loss in the past year - having her sister choose to leave our family, wanting nothing to do with us. Julianne shared her bedroom with her sister and was deeply effected by this selfish decision.

Her brothers have taken a keen interest in her life. They go to her soccer games and let her know they love her. The King's Men called today and sang Happy Birthday to her, with Jordan singing the lead.

God replaced that vacancy in Julianne's heart with dear friends. Renata has also suffered her sister leaving them, and her and Julianne have banned together in support. Renata wrote this for Julianne today:

Date:
Oct 3, 2008 6:19 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAYY YOUUU!

WOow, my buddie is turning 12 today!I spend most of my life with her...she is:Crazyoutgoingloudcheezit and cherrio fanatictomboyathleticfunnycharmingjokerand more...!she is everything that i need at this time of depression... haha not reallywe have both lost a sister due to running away, so we just call each other sisters! we act like verry best friends and amazing sisters.there is not one time where we are together and we have not laughed or done something really stupid.this is dedicated too Julianne tolentino<3amazing>

Sweet and Bitter

This morning in Sunday School, we continue our study of Revelations. We have been on that book for ....some....two or three years now? Today we are on Chapter 10 where John was to eat the book, and it tasted sweet then bitter. We are reminded that the Christian life includes both, and may look differently than we imagine. Sweetness can encompass God's vindication on sinners as well as the sheer blessings of redemption. Bitter can be the awful things of darkness in the life, as well as the trials and sufferings we experience in Christ, which ironically preclude blessings and triumph. I am once again reminded that all of life is our identity in Christ - we receive His matchless gift of salvation as well as the sufferings that He suffered. Are the sufferings more in frequency the older we get or are we just more aware of them? Hmm...something to ponder. I do know that the older I get, the more blessed I am - and the joy of the Lord truly is my strength

Reigning in the Rain

When it rains it pours - and when it pours, God reigns!

I have just come out of the darkest 6 months of my life (so far).

We discovered a dear Christian sister's husband renounced his faith and left his marriage. Dear Ling - we love you and pray for you in your sorrow. At that time I thought "God - I cannot take any more sorrow". Does God reign? Yes, He does indeed.

In January our adopted daughter (then 16) of ten years firmly decided she did not want to be part of our family, trading it instead for a life of drugs, sex, alcohol, dropping out of high school, and having nothing to do with us. The pain we experienced as a family is beyond comprehension. I won't even begin to go into details of it - BUT I must declare for all to see that OUR GOD REIGNS. He reigns in the hearts of those who trust Him. He reigns in the darkness as well as the light. He reigns in life and in death.

In the midst of our daughter's rebellion my dearest friend my mom, had a serious stroke, leaving her right side paralyzed and her speech compromised. She needs 24 hour care. Does God still reign? Yes He does!

Our dear friend Wally Carruthers is lying waiting to die from pancreatic cancer after a year bout with it, leaving his wife and five children - does our God reign? Yes, He does.

My dear brother Earl has been afflicted with severe pain in his back and neck for one year now - having a neck surgery go awry, being rushed back into emergency surgery to prevent paralysis - now he is barely able to speak due to the damage on his larynx from the surgeries, let alone lift weights and work out like he used to love. Does God reign? YES HE DOES!

There is something inexplainable about suffering - there are physical sufferings, emotional sufferings, mental and even spiritual sufferings. As a believer, all of these sufferings only glorify God and draw us closer to Him and away from out humanness. I thank Him for the opportunity to be totally undone - completely reliant on Him - an empty vessel to be filled with the riches of Christ Jesus.

Please pray for the dear Carruther family

Please pray for peace, strength, patience, and for God to minister to the entire family as Wally waits to go to Jesus. If your would like to read more, please visit http://wallygrams.blogspot.com/

Hmmm ~ to write or not to...

I think it is safe to go ahead and let my mind spill out - it has been a long while since my last post.

I completely trust that the God Who created the universe, is able and willing to handle all the details of our lives. That being said, there are times when I think"WHAT? Where ARE you?" Soon after that sentimentality creeps from my otherwise stable countenance (hahah) I am always ashamed at my lack of faith. There are times when things seem so hopeless - but that does not mean that things are, in fact, hopeless.

I have been learning to trust God with no sight - like blind faith. Isn't that what hope is? We hope for things we do not see....this is my lesson lately. When you see someone you love and have a wonderful relatiponship with completely harden their heart towards God and those who love them, it is devastating, to say the least. There was a time when all looked lost - and today, I can say that it still looks lost - but my vision is changed - I am not going to dwell on the that which is lost, but that which is found.

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below! Praise Him
above the heavenly host. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Merry Christmas - now Happy new Year!

Christmas is over - what a fun time to see the people you love open gifts that you contemplated then hunted for in order to please them. Well, most times it works that way and we hope for the end result to be one of glee. At any rate, "a good time was had by all". On Christmas Eve out neighborhood family (literal family of four houses within two blocks from each other) did a progressive dinner, each host family opening their gifts from our name drawing gift selector. It was great - then we hurried to the Tanderhoff's church for a candlelight service.

Now - I am truly looking forward to my non-Christmas ring tone on my cell phone and once again packing my Christmas "things" away - not to be seen until next year. In the end, it is spending time with family that is the second greatest blessing, second only to the great gift of the Savior provided to us while we were yet sinners and had no cognisance of our need.

First lonely blog

Yes - I am here - but all alone. You see, I am following my dear nieces and my sweet daughter in blogging, only I do not wish to email my blog address out for others to read - yet. Perhaps I will gain enough confidence to actually want people to read my mental gymnastics.

Today I wrapped gifts, and burned 25 Cd's for Julianne's new CD holder to go along with her new CD player that she will receive Dec. 25Th. I am now baking Nordy Bars for a college age game night tonight here at the house.

I am going to "pimp out my page" at a later date.